Out of Sight, Out of Mind...

Once again, several months have passed since my last blog entry... not because of lack of activity or events in my life, in fact perhaps the opposite. So many things have been going on and stopping to reflect or relax seems to be wasted time and effort. But that's not the way we should regard times of reflection and relaxation. These are not only opportunities to unwind but also to refresh. Refresh our body, mind and spirit.

Most of my life has been spent rushing. I'm definitely a Type A personality type. Rushing from one class to another, from one club meeting to another, from one show to another, from one meeting to another, from one project to another, from one day to another. And as I approach 37, I sometimes feel like I'm rushing to 40.

As someone who craves completion, who gets a small thrill from checking off a To-Do list item, who finds her value from a project completed and feels important when her day is crammed full of meetings, obligations and events... is there a better way to connect with my internal Type B tendencies and let them out for air? I feel that they're holding on for dear life, so small and typically outweighed and disregarded.

Currently my Type A has "free reign" during the work week and I'm not sure I can do much about that; call it a hazard of the job, if you will. But my Type B has been coming out to play more often on the weekends. I love "slam/click" weekends; get home Friday, slam the door and click the lock, and don't come out again until Monday.

Now we haven't had one of those in several months because there are always fun things to do and/or places to go with family and friends, not to mention the 20+ miles of bike riding as part of our training regime. And I haven't complained once, because our busy weekends recharge me for another week's wild ride.

Sigh... maybe I will never learn how to truly LET GO and just BE without DOING...

Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself.....

Paraphrased from Franklin D. Roosevelt's address (made in 1932), its meaning never really resonated with me... until now.

My department currently waits to learn our future, determined after hundreds of hours spent extensively studying our existing resources and effectiveness, as well as our future needs to ensure optimal business success.

And while we wait, the unconfirmed and seemingly-limitless questions run rampant through one's head....

• So what is the "right" number of people needed in our department?

• How will our jobs change? What will our new jobs even look like?

• Do we have the "right" people in the job? If there are changes to job function and needed skills (and I dare say we'd be foolish not to expect that), do we have people willing and able to change to match?

• What do we each need to do -- mentally, emotionally, spiritually -- to approach this as owners (captains of our own destiny) versus victims of circumstance?

• If the size of our department shrinks (again, I dare say we'd be foolish not to expect that), where are the "extras" supposed to go, when every other department is experiencing the "right sizing" change?

Any experiences and words of wisdom are welcome! I'm all ears... and eyes... and a question-filled brain...

How to Have Much Less Stress and Much More Happiness

How to have Much Less Stress and Much More Happiness
written by John Spence (http://johnspence.com/)
May 6th, 2009

I know that right now many people are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and that is only natural given the incredible onslaught of difficult and depressing news we are bombarded with day in and day out. Although I am doing pretty good right now, there was a time years ago (actually my first few years of college) when I was struggling mightily to keep my life on track and moving in a positive direction. It was then that I decided that if I wanted my life to get better, I would have to get better. So I set out to learn everything I humanly could about how to build a happy, joyful and successful life. After reading hundreds of books and listening to hundreds of hours of motivational/self-help audio programs, I boiled down everything I had learned into my own personal “Strategies for Success” life-skills handbook. What I’d like to do in this blog is share two very simple workshops that I believe can have a strong positive impact on reducing the stress and anxiety in your life right now and giving you much, much more happiness and enjoyment.

Workshop number one: Dealing with Stress and Anxiety

Step One: Make a list of the top 10 things that give you stress, anger, anxiety and frustration in your life right now.

Step Two: Give each of the items you wrote a rating from 1 to 10. A score of one indicates that this is a stressor for you, but it does not really affect you too much - it is basically an annoyance, a nuisance. At the other end of the scale is a rating of 10, which means that this item is highly stressful to you and it causes a tremendous amount of frustration and pain in your life. Score each one now.

Step Three: Next to each of the stressors you have indicated, write either a “C” for the items you have control over -- that you can directly impact, change or very strongly influence -- or write “NC” which indicates that although this might be a stressor for you, in reality there is nothing you can do to truly impact it. These are things like the economy, the government, taxes, other people… things that you might have a little bit of influence on but there is no way that you alone can dramatically change this issue. Be very honest with yourself when assessing each of your issues from step one.

The goal then is to have the courage and discipline to take massive control of the items you wrote a “C” next to and get those scores as close to one or zero as possible… AND… learn to completely let go, as much as a humanly possible, of anything on your list that you wrote “NC” next to.

It is the one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned: that the majority of pain, anger frustration and anxiety in most people’s lives is caused by things that are completely out of their control. Even though there is literally nothing they can do to make any kind of significant impact on them, day in and day out they worry, stress and get angry over things that they should just try to put out of their mind and forget about. Learning to take control of what you can control, and letting completely go of what you will never control is one of the most important life skills anyone can develop.

Step Four: Write out FIVE specific and realistic ACTION STEPS that you can take right away to begin to take proactive control of the items you wrote a “C” next to. Hoping they get better, waiting for someone else to fix them, or wishing they will go away on their own… these are not a good strategy. Getting busy on taking strong, positive control of them… a very good strategy indeed!

Workshop number two: The Happiness List

Step One: Make a list of the top 10 things that give you happiness, joy and relaxation in your life. This could be a simple as getting a hug from one of your children! What I’m looking for in this list is really the simple pleasures in life that make you smile and give you happiness. For many people this is their hobby… such as gardening, photography, fly fishing, golf, or playing music. It’s also the other little things that just make life more vibrant… like entertaining friends for dinner, listening to your favorite kind of music, enjoying a piece of chocolate cake, going for a run… anything that gives you a good, happy and relaxed feeling is what should go on your list.

Step Two: Now next to each of the 10 things on your list, score each one on a scale of 1 to 10. A score of one means that even though this is something that you know makes you happy and gives you joy, you have very little of it in your life right now. A score of 10 would indicate that you have an abundance of this item in your life right now — you go running every day, you have great music playing around you all the time, your kids are hugging you once an hour. You currently gets lots of happiness from this item.

Step Three: Look at every score below a 7 and figure out, specifically, what you can do to increase the score on that item and bring yourself more happiness and joy. For example, I wrote down that music has a really strong impact on my mood, and that certain kinds of music either relax me or energize me. So I went down to the store and bought myself two of those tiny Apple Nano’s ($29 each) and loaded one with my favorite relaxation music any other with my favorite high-energy songs, so that no matter where I am I can plug in my ear buds and play some music that will help me feel much, much better. A simple and low-cost solution that has had a huge positive impact on my life. The question is: Where can you do the same sort of thing in your life? Write out at least FIVE specific and realistic ACTION STEPS that you can take right away to move your scores higher and bring more enjoyment and relaxation into your life.

Although they seem obvious, I assure you that these two little workshops can make a big difference in your life if you take them seriously and put forth the effort to implement what they can teach you.

Ch - ch - ch - ch - Changes

Anyone who knows me knows that I genuinely believe the "art of learning" should be a lifelong journey, especially the learning of "who" we are as individuals. Well, I had another lesson this past week. Allow me to set the stage:

One constant in my department is the constant of change... it's becoming standard procedure for us to have a monthly stand-up meeting to announce someone leaving our department for other adventures within the company. So when another stand-up was scheduled on Thursday, I only thought briefly about it.

And then I found out that the stand-up was to announce the retirement of my former boss/forever friend and mentor/personal touchstone... and that her last day is August 31, only six measly weeks away. Within a 30 minute span, I felt:

• Shock... she'd mentioned retirement, but only in fleeting terms that sounded far away (which in this world means 2+ years)
• Anger... like an irrational sense of abandonment
• An overload of sadness... since crying at work makes me uncomfortable (even more so when I'm the one crying!), I had to take a walk to find an empty room

After a few minutes, I collected myself and went into "emotional lock-down"... which means 'I'm fine' responses to inquiries if I was okay. And by the end of the day, I felt embarrassed at my earlier emotional display and berated myself during the ride home.

In my reflection of that day and my internal reactions and external responses, I have learned some valuable things about myself during times of personal change. Because for me, that was the key... Susan's upcoming departure doesn't just affect me professionally (as the other departures have)... it affects me personally.

So here are some questions for you to ponder:

• Do you experience the "constant of change" in your world?
• How do you internally react / externally respond such an environment?
• What can you do to handle it even more effectively, for your own benefit and for the benefit of others?
• What are you willing to commit to try over the next month?
• What could get in your way?
• Who can support you on this?

Sara

Contentment vs. Complacency: Seek One but Refuse the Other!

by Sara Easley, Certified Professional Coach

What determines the difference between complacency and contentment? What is the difference between these two states of being? What can you do to achieve one and avoid the other?

As with most comparisons, the first step can be an analysis of the two words. Per the classic Webster’s Dictionary:

Contentment: The quality or state of being contented; feeling or showing
satisfaction with one's possessions, status, or situation.

Complacency: Self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies.

While both involve satisfaction, it is important to remain mindful of the differences!

Queen Christina of Sweden is quoted as saying, “It is necessary to try to surpass oneself always; this occupation ought to last as long as life.” I propose that her words represent our responsibility to continue to learn and grow and challenge ourselves, regardless of our achieved job title or status. For it is this thirst for continued self-development that keeps us engaged in our world. And through continued self-development, we can achieve contentment.

Complacency speaks of a lack of self-awareness, of ignorant bliss where we may in fact miss recognizing our shortcomings or approaching quicksand. Always in common-sense language, Thomas Edison once shared that “opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” Once we are in its grip, the spirit of complacency can pay a short visit or stay on for years. The length of stay is up to us. We have the ability to chase it away by revving up our internal engine with new challenges.

“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.” Spoken by Nobel Prize winning chemist and physicist Marie Curie, I propose these words could represent the continued quest for self-development and growth and, ultimately, contentment.

So if challenges are a part of life and cannot be avoided, why does that seem to be our first instinct? The real power could be in reframing our perspective; looking at challenges as an opportunity, to learn and stretch ourselves past our comfort zone and regular results. When new results are achieved, there is another valuable opportunity: by analyzing new or re-discovered strengths and competencies, and how our demonstrated skills or actions leveraged these, we can increase our chances of recreating successful results.

Thoughts?